It’s often said that money can’t buy happiness, but what if it could make you a kinder person? Having money might not buy joy directly, but it can certainly reduce stress, jealousy, and anxiety, which in turn might make you a nicer person. This idea first clicked for me back in 2015, and my experiences since have only reinforced it.
The concept of “fuck you money” was something I got familiar with during my Wall Street days, starting in 1999. It’s the kind of wealth that supposedly allows you to escape any unpleasant situation or person. For instance, when someone makes Managing Director and starts earning big, people say they’ve got “fuck you money.”
But here’s the thing about having that kind of money—it doesn’t actually encourage you to go around dismissing people rudely. If anything, achieving financial comfort makes it easier to overlook negativity and move on peacefully. Instead of clapping back at haters, you find yourself feeling indifferent or even compassionate towards them.
By the end of 2015, I was feeling great. I had left my corporate job three years prior, my wife had also secured a good severance, and we were enjoying life, traveling and feeling financially secure with over $160,000 in passive income. I had no interest in engaging in negativity. Life was too good, and dealing with detractors was just a waste of energy.
However, becoming a father in 2017 changed my perspective slightly. I found myself less tolerant of racism and general hate because I didn’t want those toxic attitudes affecting my children. Despite growing up in Virginia, where I faced numerous challenges, living in diverse cities like New York and San Francisco mostly shielded me from racism. Yet, I still encounter it occasionally online, although it’s a very small fraction of interactions.
Interestingly, I received an apology email out of the blue from someone who previously clashed with me over my writings on money and family. She had been in a tough spot financially when she first reacted negatively to my posts. Now, better off financially and more reflective, she reached out to make amends. Her apology reminded me of the power of financial stability in fostering kindness.
Our subsequent emails felt therapeutic, and they highlighted how much background influences attitudes. This person had struggled with student debt after dropping out of an expensive private university, which fueled her resentment towards those who appeared more financially secure.
The lesson here is profound: becoming financially independent can naturally make you nicer. It allows you to be more empathetic and less defensive. I’ve also learned the importance of diversifying not just your investments but also your social circles. Engaging with a variety of people enriches your understanding and tolerance.
In my own life, growing up abroad and working in international equities has taught me the joy of celebrating different cultures. This diversity of experience has been invaluable in both personal and professional contexts, helping me avoid blind spots and embrace a broader perspective.
Ultimately, “hurt people hurt people,” but the reverse can also be true: secure people tend to spread kindness. If you’re financially and emotionally stable, you’re more likely to have the energy and the spirit to be generous in your judgments and actions towards others.
So, while wealth alone may not be a direct ticket to happiness, it certainly sets the stage for a more peaceful, generous life. Why not strive for financial security as a step towards becoming a better, nicer person? The journey might just enrich your life in more ways than one.
