If you want to succeed in the long run, focus on intrinsic rewards rather than extrinsic ones. The ideal balance for success is over 70% intrinsic motivation and less than 30% extrinsic motivation. If most of your motivation comes from external sources, you’re likely to burn out and fail.
The goals of this post are to:
– Help you keep going even when you want to quit
– Identify what will help you succeed
– Share the challenges and insecurities of being a creator
– Highlight how maintaining good relationships takes constant work and empathy
– Share the pressures parents face
The Desire for Too Much Extrinsic Reward
The other day, I got upset with my wife for a selfish reason. I spent four hours taking our kids to the beach, dinner, and the playground, giving her alone time to pack for our big move and unwind. When I returned, she thanked me for taking the kids out, but she didn’t acknowledge the podcast episode I had released that morning. I was bummed because I had spent two hours prepping and recording it, and it seemed she hadn’t listened to it yet.
Learning to interview people using Riverside.fm has made me more excited about podcasting. The range of people I can talk to is unlimited. My intrinsic reward is speaking to fascinating people. Spending fun time with my kids should be reward enough, but my desire for recognition from my wife and more positive reviews dragged me down.
The next day, a Friday, I took the kids to the playground in the morning and then left them with my wife to watch a tennis tournament. I felt guilty for not being with the kids, but this tournament is my favorite event, and it happens only once a year.
Asking One More Time
When I returned from the tournament, my wife was visibly tired. Our kids are a handful, and her nerves were fried. Instead of thanking her for taking care of them, the first thing I asked was if she had read my post from that morning. She hadn’t, and I was disappointed again.
I realized I hadn’t asked about her well-being first because I was trying to justify my time away by showing I had contributed to the family. By expressing my disappointment, I was trying to gain credit for next time.
To succeed long-term, you need to be willing to work without recognition or praise. You need to set aside the desire for extrinsic rewards to achieve your goals.
Make Sure You Are Working for the Right Reasons
Every artist wants people to see their work, every podcaster wants people to listen to their episodes, and every writer wants people to read their articles and books. Creators put so much effort and heart into their work that receiving some positive affirmation helps keep them going.
Initially, I wrote mainly for myself out of fear of losing my financial gains. Over time, I wrote to help others with their financial problems. After my wife left her job and we had children, I wrote to support my family financially. But extrinsic rewards don’t sustain motivation for long. If I wrote primarily for money, I would have quit a long time ago.
Examples of Extrinsic Rewards That Start Feeling Empty
Other examples of extrinsic rewards include prizes, awards, grades, promotions, social media followers, and media mentions. How many times have we felt thrilled about a promotion only to feel empty months later? These letdowns happen when extrinsic motivators are too significant.
Writing to support my family creates an expectation that they should appreciate my work, adding unnecessary pressure on my wife to keep up. Parenting young children is exhausting, and it’s hard for her to read and listen to everything I do. Writing helps journal history, which I think my family will appreciate when they are older, but they didn’t ask me to do this.
Intrinsic Motivation Is the Key to Long-Term Success
You can achieve short-term success with extrinsic motivators like fame, money, status, and power, but it’s hard to maintain that momentum long-term. Since starting Financial Samurai in 2009, I have surpassed my writing goals.
Goal 1: Publish a new post regularly.
Goal 2: Publish an ebook on financial independence.
Goal 3: Publish a hardcopy book with a traditional publisher.
I could not have succeeded without intrinsic motivation. I write because I enjoy the process. Writing helps me understand myself and solve financial and life problems that many of us experience. It also creates a community of interesting people who share their perspectives.
Now, I have a new long-term goal: publish at least two posts a week until 2042, when my kids graduate college. This sounds exhausting, but I need to focus on the joy of writing, not the money, search engine rankings, or accolades. I also need to stop expecting my family and friends to support my work. When I feel disappointed, the chances of quitting increase.
Status, Fame, Power, Money Are OK Motivators
Extrinsic motivators like status and power can drive people to succeed. Just don’t let them become more than 30% of your motivation. Otherwise, you might feel empty, like I did after publishing my book. After two years of hard work and making the WSJ bestseller list, I felt a huge letdown. Thankfully, I had enough intrinsic motivation to complete the book because I love a good challenge.
Now, I’m writing a second book about building wealth. This time, I’m removing all expectations of making it a bestseller. I’m writing because I have more to say to help others achieve financial independence sooner. I also want to set a good example for my kids. The book advance is a nice extrinsic motivator, but I focus on the joy of writing.
To Succeed, Fight the Urge to Be Recognized
We all want recognition for our work, but if we expect too much, we’ll be disappointed. It’s best not to expect any recognition from anyone. If you need support, join a group that shares your passion. Relying on friends and family who don’t share your enthusiasm will lead to disappointment.
In conclusion, ask yourself these questions:
– If you never get paid or promoted for your work, will you still do it?
– If you never get an award for your creativity, will you still create?
If you answered yes, you’ve found your purpose. If not, keep searching for your reason for being. It’s out there.
Reader Questions and Suggestions
How do you differentiate between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation? Can you achieve and sustain long-term goals with mostly extrinsic motivators? How can we better support our loved ones if we don’t share the same interests? How do you succeed without accolades?
